|Image courtesy of My Two Mums|
No, for once, not a typo. This year, I had a new agenda for Britmums Live. I was asked to help present a session with the beautiful ladies Liska at New Mum on Line, Hayley at Downs Side Up and Annie from Mammasaurus. Entitled Blogging with Heart our session was about blogging to give and to receive support.
I am passionate about blogging as a means for getting and giving support. I started this blog purely for selfish reasons. I was lost and alone and needed a vehicle to just talk. It's become so much more, and I am so proud of it. I am not a top blogger by any means, I am not the best blogger, I'm not even the best premmie mum blogger. I am just someone who writes and loves it.
It was amazing to be part of the panel, all doing similar things, Hayley blogs entirely for support, Liska was talking about Kerry and her quest to help her find healing, and Annie about her own personal journey through a very acute crisis. The thoughts and questions from the floor were equally inspiring.
For me, most recently this blog has helped me very much in overcoming childhood trauma, which I documented in Jimmy Savile is Dead. The very lovely Ruth at dorkymum nominated my post. She did ask me first and to be honest, I never thought in a million years the Britmums folk would choose it. The subject matter is so heavy. I was delighted and terrified when I was told it had been chosen as one of the keynote posts to be read at the culmination of the conference.
When I wrote Jimmy Savile is Dead not many people knew about my past. To my shame, I hadn't really told my parents or sister, I thought they knew, it seems bizarre now. This post started me on a course of therapy and of healing.
Reading Jimmy Savile is Dead was initally daunting, but it was just so empowering, I felt strong, I felt loved, and I felt supported and most of all, accepted. My twitter feed has been full of congratulations and thanks. Thank you to everyone who has commented or even just thought of me. The biggest shock was getting a standing ovation. Mummy Barrow who has supported me so much, wrote this last year about Hayley from Down Side Up.
And Katy Hill coming up later to give me a hug was the icing on the cake. Not because she is famous, but because last year I was scared crapless and didn't speak to her. This year I walked up to her in the Hub at break on Friday and introduced myself. I couldn't have and didn't do that last year.
I have come a long way.
And on Saturday night I had a photoshoot with the lovely Yuri from Urban Vox and got my kit off. I don't know where or how I will share the pictures, and how many I will share, I am yet to decide, but it was about taking my body back, about taking ownership, and putting the shame of my childhood behind me. The end product is, in some senses inconsequential.
Sitting naked but for a scarf, with a dead ferret on my knee, in front of a man I had only just met is one of the strangest things I have done, but I was safe.
I am safe.
Thanks for the love Britmums.