Saturday, 9 November 2013

The First Hug - Sort of

World Prematurity Day is November 17 just over a week ago. I am asking bloggers to share stories of hugs. Tomorrow I will put a linky on my blog so people can link up and share their stories, not necessarily of preterm birth, of hugs. Some guidance is here, if you would like more information please email me at notevenabagofsugar at gmail.com

I am telling my birth story as a series of hugs, here is the first one. 
 
Its Thursday morning, 10 am. I’ve been taken up to a 4 bed ward in the ante natal suite. They have
put me in the corner near the window and shut the curtains. I’m not sure why. I feel very separate.
It’s been a whirl wind this morning. I came to the delivery suite at 3am expecting to be told I was just
a bit anxious and stressed. A doctor has told me I have suspected severe onset pre eclampsia. I know
this isn’t a good thing. I am confused about what happens next.

I sit on the bed, wondering why I didn’t pack anything to read. I daren’t pay for the television as I
could be discharged and go home. Or I may not stay in this room, I might be moved somewhere else.
So I stare at the walls, at the curtains. I listen to what’s going on in the room. Someone being taken
down to theatre to have their baby, another lady demanding answers from nurses about what’s
happening to her. A decision is made to discharge. Now it’s just me and a teenager, with her mum. I
draw back the curtain a little and make small talk. They give me a magazine.

All of a sudden a new doctor comes in. A big man, with a kind face, and a midwife with him. He has
that horrible look doctors have; The Delivering Bad News look. He approaches me with a small smile
“hello Dr Kylie”. I look at him very confused. “I am not a doctor”. He smiles broader and says “Well,
nurse then, midwife, you are something clinical”. I explain that I’m not, I just work in a call centre. I
am still confused.

He looks at the midwife and says “she has no idea does she?” He explains that I am amazing, which
confuses me even more. He says I’ve recognised the early stages of severe early onset pre eclampsia
that are often missed. He says I have given him ample opportunity to save my life and my baby. He
has booked an emergency scan for 12 noon to check how the baby is doing. I am reassured that I can
feel lots of movement. I am confident the baby is fine.

He tells me I need to call my husband. Now. That he needs to be here for the scan. This scares me
somewhat.

He puts his arms around me in a hug. “Kylie you have severe early onset pre eclampsia. We are
delivering your baby, it’s going to be tomorrow at 9am unless the scan indicates differently.” I gulp
hard. And I let myself hug this man I’ve never met. I am frozen inside. I know I have to be stronger
now than I ever have before in my whole life. I need to dig deep and not be afraid.

My baby needs me now. As the consultant and midwife leave I hug my bump, still quite small, and I
imagine I am hugging my baby.

A hug seems a very long way away.

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