Monday, 2 February 2015

My Forever Journey

It started with a pledge in January not to eat out, no takeaways and no bought lunches. Then it grew. I decided to really look at my weight and how this had come to pass.

I am 18 stone 6lb or 117 kilos and I am 5 feet 4 inches tall or 163 centimetres. My BMI is 45.

I love healthy food. I enjoy fruit and vegetables and good sources of protein. I enjoy exercise. I keep my GP in a state of confusion as apart from high blood pressure, I am fit and healthy. My cholesterol is perfect, I don't have type 2 diabetes or pre-diabetes, my liver, heart and kidneys are fine.

I am not stupid. My weight will catch me up. I am not going to be forever lucky. I know this. And I have to do something about it.

I have two inspirational people to follow. The first is my dad. My dad died just two weeks ago of COPD. At the ripe old age of 89. He gave up a 50 year smoking habit 20 years ago and bought himself precious time to see his grandkids be born and grow up, to travel and to enjoy life. If he can do that I can get to a healthy weight.

The other is my best friend Daniel. Daniel had a scare 2 years ago when he was found to have a dangerously low white blood cell count. He made some huge changes to his diet that weren't easy, he added green tea and tomato juice and gave up cherry coke. For someone who cannot eat solid food and who is very limited in what he can enjoy this was a huge thing for him. He still hates green tea and he perserveres. He has been healthy for 2 years.

I lost six stone 8 years ago over 2 years. I regained all the weight back. But no more. Weirdly I am two dress sizes smaller than I was before presumably due to exercise and muscle making up more of my body composition than before. Still I wear a size 20-22.

I hated being a size 16. I felt exposed and frightened. I like being fat. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am who I am. Plenty of people love me, my son and my husband think I am beautiful. And that's fine by me.

However I am looking at my weight problem differently now. I am addicted to being fat. I have false beliefs that being fat is safe, that my fat is a cushion and an armour, that it makes me safe.

This is bollocks of course. Fat is inherently dangerous and I will have health problems as I get older, and perhaps fatter. This needs to stop.

So I have embarked on a forever journey. I am changing the way I eat, move and think. This isn't a quick fix, this is slow, deliberate and considered.

This is addiction recovery. This is serious and it won't always be easy.

But I will succeed. Because my dad did, because Daniel did, and because my GP says I won't.

I can and I will.






3 comments:

  1. With enthusiasm and willpower like that I am sure you can do it! Keep up the good work xxx

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  2. Good for you. I'm sure you have the determination to carry it through.

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  3. I can't believe your Gp said you won't how negative. I'm really enjoying your IG photos and wish you the best of luck x

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